The Process
“Inner freedom is not guided by our efforts; it comes from seeing what is true.”
— The Buddha
What would it be like for you to be a fully present human being living with full awareness of your true, authentic self — devoid of existential fear? We all want to experience that freedom. But often, we cannot pinpoint what prevents us from finding it. We carry with us the pain of our past, which weighs us down needlessly and keeps us anchored in a reality that no longer actually exists. Simultaneously, we chain our happiness to a future outcome — forever hunting down an euphoria that never seems to come. Sound familiar?
What causes us to stay unconsciously trapped in this loop that runs on its own — and is believed? If we look closely, we see that we have been fooled into accepting that it takes much less energy to sit and listen to the tape playing over and over than it does to get up and change the recording. In fact, just the opposite is true. This ‘software,’ if you will, runs endlessly, conditioning us into willing acceptance of a less-than-optimal life, and preventing us from living in a fully present state. But it is not permanent. Once we delete the old software that was installed early on (often by seemingly well-intentioned people), we can let go of our old way of being and finally stop recreating the same undesirable situations in our relationships, careers and our daily routines which keep us stuck in the endlessly-running loop. But how?
The process is different for each person. There are many entry points into personal transformation. Career change, divorce, parenthood, addiction, a major health crisis, or move to a different location. Each presents us with a unique set of challenges. What we will discover is that we can enter through one door, and upon examining one corner of the room, everything in it is suddenly seen in an entirely different context. So be prepared for the possibility that if you focus and make a change in one area of your life, shifts will begin to occur in others. We will begin to see obstacles as opportunities for deep, lasting change, and another step taken toward living a life rooted in purpose and happiness that emanates from within.
Life coaching is the primary modality we will use. Ultimately, our goal is for you to embrace a way of being that is free of unchecked ego, and full of balance, energy and flow in all areas. At the consciousness level, our common goal as coach and client will be to explore these key components, which we will dive into during our time working together:
Willingness
Willingness is the first step toward any kind of transformation. Shifting out of negative life patterns and limiting self-beliefs is essentially all about training — like one would do for the body in a gym. Change does not happen overnight. We must be willing to commit to a process and then handle the learning curve until the process is mastered and we are eventually transformed. It all starts by being willing. And here’s the good news — if you have read this far, you are probably already willing to take this journey.
Letting Go
Surrender is really the key to the kingdom here. There are many pathways to enlightenment (which, by the way, is a lifelong journey and not a destination). But none of them will lead to our Truth unless we are willing to let go. Over time, you will come to understand that the peace you experience in surrender will far outweigh the illusion of safety you fight for by perpetually hanging on. We often can’t let go because of our feelings. But when we allow ourselves to experience our feelings to their end point without letting them be hijacked and replaced by another even more disruptive feeling, we begin to reduce their pressure so we can finally understand their meaning. And once we have that information, we are free to use it however we choose to — and let go of the negative feeling that brought it to us in the first place. We successfully step out of the loop when we recondition ourselves to integrate our emotions. And before we know it, we’ve left the loop behind.
Awareness
Awareness is a place from which we observe, but don’t form any opinions about what we see. It occurs in the absence of thought. We often wonder if what we see and experience is real, because our mind/ego often wants us to believe a story. Awareness is not a result of “doing.” True awareness arises from simply “being.” Only with full awareness of your present position and state can you walk confidently and courageously into your desired future.
Presence
Where do you currently exist — or how are you in the World? Are you in your true, authentic self, or are you living in your mind? What do you want? A life built on attachments to mental, emotional and physical structures, or one rooted in the now? Our attachments to future outcomes and past experiences are what keep us from knowing what it is to be present. “Now” is the moment in which we actually live our lives. And it is in this moment that we always know where we need to go.
Courage
Courage is a state that is devoid of existential fear. It is rooted in presence. It’s a place where we are always in our power. On a path of enlightenment, we discover that each time we can successfully integrate our fear and move through a situation with courage, we affirm our transition to a more permanent place in which courage is our baseline state of consciousness.
Mindfulness
Our willingness allows us to see. Seeing objectively brings a state of awareness. Awareness allows us to live in a state of presence. Courage allows us to observe our thoughts without fear. And when we can freely and objectively watch what our minds are doing at any given moment, we can summon the power to change our thought patterns, because we understand our perception is a choice. We are largely unaware of what our mind is doing at any given moment. Unobserved, negative thought patterns reinforce self-limiting beliefs by creating negative emotions. The negative emotions, in turn, create more negative thinking. The cycle becomes endless. So, how do we break out of it? We simply begin watching. In our willing state of awareness, we see, for the first time, what our mind is actually up to. And for the first time, we have the power to change our thoughts by choosing ones that are based in the present moment rather than on echoes from the past or what we are expecting from the future. And by freeing our minds of negative thinking, we forestall the unwanted emotions that come along with it. Mindfulness is what allow us to live day to day in a present state, and deal with our thoughts and feelings in real time.
Power
Power is in letting go. Struggle is hanging on. It’s a simple paradigm, but. so few of us understand it because it’s not what is patterned for us. We are conditioned to fight for what we want, rather than let go and fall into what we need. Often we confuse power with control. Our egos compel us to try forcing into existence the things that feed it and allow it to feel alive. But your ego is not your true Self. Your true Self doesn’t need to control. Your true Self simply just is. It asserts itself simply by being. And when you are operating in your true, authentic Self, you are always in your power. And when you live in your power, you always have what you need.
Happiness
Happiness is not something that comes from the future. It can only be experienced here and now. A temporary state of unhappiness is useful, in that it signals to you that your life is not in alignment. It contains valuable information. We have been conditioned to understand happiness as a state that arises from what we do or do not have, or that exists in a place we have yet to find. That is a big part of this process — the idea that happiness is often simply a game of perception. What rules have we been playing by? Are they holding us back? A tennis match can’t be scored by using innings, just as a baseball game doesn’t end in game, set and match. Only when we let go of our attachment to our future happiness can we be present enough to create an authentic pathway to any place we know we need to go. DEEP, EXISTENTIAL HAPPINESS COMES WHEN YOU FINALLY REALIZE YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.